Scrolling through timelines, live from an overheated living-room near you, I, just as the rest of the internet, stumbled on a particular article of Chris ‘Spags’ Spagnuolo. Never heard of the dude but apparently he is a writer at Barstool Sports, which by all means, good for him. But “Spags” here had the awesome idea to write a piece on Tuesday in which he criticized Rihanna for possibly gaining weight. Yes, you read that right, for POSSIBLY gaining weight. It became the start of a loooong #thickanna discussion.
So Ri-Ri ate some Brie-Brie
It’s 2017 and when a grown ass woman wears something baggy, gets caught in an unflattering photo, stuffed her face or maybe even a combination of all of the above… it’s suddenly a legit reason to drop everything and plan an intervention. In the same week where the Pontiff asked the angry Cheeto of the free world to pay more attention to climate change… Not even a week after multiple lives where ruined by a senseless act of terrorism in Manchester. Let’s just say that the world has bigger and scarier things to worry about than Ri-Ri eating some Brie-Brie. Or nah?
99 problems but your opinion ain’t 1
And Chris, for your fear of other “hot girls” following suit, don’t worry boo. As a hot girl who has gained a pound or 10 after her last break-up I can assure you the asshole still wants me back. Something with hitting it from the back and making it jiggle. But what do I know, men are such mysterious creatures to me. Speaking from experience, as in, dating those creatures for the past 15 years or so… most of them are actually quite nice, polite and wouldn’t stand for your rude comments. Yeah, you get an angry Cheeto once in a while, or a writer with nothing productive to say… But most men I came across have better things to worry about than whether or not some A-lister, who 99% sure doesn’t know of their existence, has gone up a jeans-size or not.
And by all means, I don’t want to make this a body-shaming issue, since thats sooo 2015, I’m simply a firm (and chubby) believer that everybody can like whoever they like and enjoy in beautiful coïtus as much as they want to. (As long as its legal, and with all parties giving there full consent, obviously.) But when it comes in expressing those preferences we could all use some good old manners, as in, if you don’t have anything nice to say, shut the fuck up. (Or at least don’t post it online.)
Carbs and Reality Checks
So why I’m spending my free night addressing this than you may ask? Because one particular point that was made, really hit me in my not so flat stomach… the fact that Chris worried about that ‘the hottest girls‘ will soon ‘look like the humans in Wall-E‘ since ‘now Rihanna is traipsing around out there looking like she’s in a sumo suit.‘ With it being ‘a dangerous precedent,’ while describing the future as ‘dystopian‘.
Chris baby, we are talking about Rihanna. Yes, she is one of the top influencers but I still don’t think she’s gonna make the world a living hell by again… eating some Brie. We are talking about the woman who drank so much alcohol she turned full wine-glasses into a fashion accessoire, who isn’t secretive about neither her drug-use or her past issues with an abusive ex. Walks around half naked half of the time while friend-zoning the hottest rappers of the moment. Not even mentioning her “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.
So you really want to have the whole “role model” discussion? About someone whose whole persona is built on pushing boundaries and on clearly being unbothered? I think we can spend our time on more constructive things here. But then again… you are worried about her eating some Brie. C-dawg, you need a reality check. And some Ben and Jerry’s. And no, I’m not sharing mine. Now please excuse me, while I go send a Boomerang of my jiggling ass to Bae while eating some Brie.
xoxo Hot, Chubby & Unbothered.