Enfnts Terribles

Your debut album ‘Bullseye’ is finally out. How do you feel about that?

I’m very optimistic. The world is starting to go back to normal. I am ready. It feels like this has been the longest time waiting. It was taking forever, but now I feel ready. When it’s finally out, I can start focusing on the next project.

You’re already thinking about the next project?

Yeah! (laughs) I have been for the last six months. I’ve started writing it recently now because I tumbled into a block since I finished the album.

Was that also the reason why it took you so long to finish Bullseye? Because you already announced it last year.

There were a lot of factors that went into that. It’s not normal to release a debut album at my level or on the stage that I’m at. Usually, it’s a lot of singles, some EPs, and eventually an album. Originally I thought I was making an EP and then I felt like it had to be an album. We had songs that I felt could not be missing from the context of the entire thing. We had to figure it out as we were going along because we didn’t plan it to be an album.

There’s a lot that went into it, so thank you all for being so patient. It was important for me to be an album, it just had to take more time.

So the music was some kind of closure for you?

I can’t help it! (laughs) I write from such a real place that it naturally turns into closure. I can leave it behind me.

That seems a bit funny because on your Instagram it looks like you’re a person who doesn’t really give a fuck, but your music is so deep and emotionally loaded.

That’s because I know I need to give less fucks! (laughs) I grew up giving way too much of a fuck, and it exhausted me. I got so tired and that was what “Cheer Captain” was about: the realization that I cared so much and I’m tired I can’t. You can’t keep going like that, you have to stop giving a fuck. Before I shot the music video of that song, I had a panic attack, and I was thinking about what my family and people back home were gonna think about it. I cared so much and then I had to remember what the song was about.

Bullseye is helpful to me even because I am still learning that lesson. It’s hard when you are a people pleaser, so I have to remind myself sometimes of what the album is about.

Is that also a message you want to send out to the world or maybe especially to the younger audience?

I will say that I am learning that lesson myself right now, and I keep telling my friends this advice. My main message is to not take life as seriously as we’re taking it. Life is just not that serious. Just have fun. The world has to give way less of a fuck. Even though it’s a pretty heavy album, there’s a sense of freedom in it.

That’s also something you have in common with Phoebe Bridgers then because she’s also the kind of person that laughs about the world and doesn’t really care about life.

And probably also because we have the same influences. (laughs) But yeah, I don’t want to look back and think about all the fun I could have had if I wasn’t so stressed all the time. It’s not worth it. I grew up with anxiety, and I had no idea. I thought that everyone felt like that all the time. I was 23 years old when I found out, and that was a realization for me that I took life way too seriously. My mission at the moment is to let go.

Although you would like to care less about life, your own music does feel a little dark. That’s some kind of contradiction between sad and happy: what is your favorite?

I think that’s kind of who I am as a person. It makes sense that my debut album would be sad and happy—light and dark at the same time. I think I’m afraid that I would be misunderstood because of my bubbly personality. I’m a pretty optimistic person, and I use my darkest feelings and emotions to write about. I’m influenced by the darkest songwriters. I’ve always admired being able to write the most melodramatic heavy emotions into a song because that’s not something that you would have a conversation about with someone.

You can only be that dramatic in a song. One of my favorite things in music is someone who can turn a pile of darkness into a big pop song. It’s cool to have people dancing to lyrics that, if they would read them later, they would feel different. I like the mixture of the two. That’s what life is about.

Who was your biggest influence to write your own music that way?

I think that all of the songwriters that came before me intentionally made albums. People who really want to tell a story. That’s how I always saw it going, and it feels right that my first big release would be a full album because I rather just not do it at all if I do not go fully into it myself. It’s exciting to make such an album.

How do you think the world will react?

I’ve been very surprised to see how many people can relate to my specific experiences. The fact the people are relating to singles is all I can ask for. I’m very excited for the world to hear the opening and the closing song. Those two are my favorites. I also don’t think that people can see the title track coming, which is exciting.

How did you react when Taylor gave you a shout out by the way?

I’m a very intuitive person, and I knew it was going to happen the day before it happened. (laughs) As crazy as it sounds. I was on the phone with my mom, and I said: “OMG, for some reason, I feel like something huge is going to happen tomorrow. Like somebody is going to shout me out.” She asked, “Who do you think it is?’ and I answered, “I think it’s going to be so huge I can’t even believe it.”

Then the next morning I woke up and my phone was blowing up. I cried! (laughs) I don’t cry from excitement very much, but I was freaking out. She shaped who I was. I’ve been listening to her since I was 11. I would have paid so much money to just watch Taylor Swift listen to my song.

Maybe if Bullseye comes out, she will post it again. But if everybody will listen to the album, what’s the best place to listen to it then?

I would have to say in the car because I love to listen to music that way. A good backroad drive through the countryside. Or in your bedroom with headphones and a star projector, so it makes you feel like you’re in space. It has to be dark, so you maybe can place a star projector in a tent, or even better: build your own fort. Somewhere cozy and dark.